I'm drive I can fine osifer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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