i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
