May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
