i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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