What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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