what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
