based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize