when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
