Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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