If i come over, it means nothing
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
