I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize