We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
