I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
