you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All the doctor said was why
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
