I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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