My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
