Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
high people should be assigned attendants
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
