I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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