What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
