When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I faked an abortion last night.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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