he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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