Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
