Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
