Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
