I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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