Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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