i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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