just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize