about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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