i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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