How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
