im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize