I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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