now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
