it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
