Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
People in love make me want to vomit
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
