mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
