Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
