How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
