New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize