she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
