I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
