I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
