Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
