Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
