I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
