Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
