dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
