Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
