maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize