Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that's an acceptable place to lick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
