His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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