I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
