yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
