you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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