cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
