I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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