I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
