Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
