Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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