Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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