Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
