just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
