Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
