things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
