if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
