I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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