Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
