pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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