so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
