Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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