Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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