Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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