i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
