hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She said her name was "party"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
