it wasn't lemon gatorade
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
