THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
